News Mash Ups

October 13, 2007

Gore to Throw First Bio-Degradable Baseball

Filed under: humor, news — Tags: , — thoughtsarethings @ 3:43 am

a_gorepitch_i.jpg

Boston~  Major League Baseball announced today that they are planning on diplaying their first “green ball”, which will be introduced just in time for the start of the World Series.  MLB and its affiliates have been working closely with 2000 Presidential candidate and environmentalist Al Gore, who is also well know for his award-winning documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.”  MLB has stated that Gore will throw out the first baseball in Game 1 of the series.   Gore has been at the forefront of the “green movement” and has been quoted as saying, “Today, today, today, I, I I, am the luckiest man in the world, world, world.”  He has been slated to throw out the ceremonial first pitch in the World Series and said that he plans on throwing a slider.

The new baseball is sure to stir controversy.  Some are already questioning the timing of the introduction and wonder if the World Series is the correct venue to start a new product.  “This new baseball has been in the works for the last two years,” states Bud Selig, Commissioner of MLB.  “We are proud of the steps that all of the owners have taken in making sure that this new baseball becomes a reality.”  While some embrace the idea of helping the environment, most believe that the ex-Vice President’s recent Nobel Prize has prompted the League to follow on the coattails of his recent successes.  “The new baseball is set to establish environmental standards for all major sports in the U.S.,” asserts MLB PR Director Deedee McClurge.  “We have come up and stated we may allow drugs, but we will never contribute to the global warming trend.” 

Indeed many professional organizations are trending towards setting environmental standards in their respectives sports.  The National Football League is set to release a football that actually bio-degrades within 4 quarters and mulches the field it lays on.  NASCAR is introducing the “Another Car of the Future” which will showcase the Toyota Prius and Honda Civic Hybrid models rubbing paint down at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, and the NHL will display hockey pucks made of dirt.  The WNBA and Major League Soccer both introduced new environmental products three years ago, but no one noticed. 

The new baseball is to feature many characteristics different from the traditional twine and leather model used since the beginning of the sport.  The stitching will be replaced by hemp cultivated from someone’s backyard in Berkeley, California.  The leather will be replaced with 100% recycled, bleached newspaper and the core of the baseball, traditionally featuring a rubber ball and twine, will now be filled with baby diapers and plastic bags.  Although some have expressed support in favor of the new baseball, many have criticized the construction and materials of which it is made.  “The damn thing explodes right off of the bat into a million pieces,” says Colorado Rockies first baseman Todd Helton.  “Are they [expletive] serious?” 

Major League Baseball’s jump into the environmental forum has encountered even more glitches as officials and umpires questioned the availability of the new ball.  Since production of the baseball was moved to a solar-powered facility in Seattle, only about 30 baseballs have been produced due to consistent thunderstorms and clouds in the area for the past 3 months.  “On average, 30 baseballs will last about 5 innings,” states MLB Umpire Bruce Froemming.  “Are they [expletive] serious?”

Still, environmentalists consider this a victory for their cause and hope that this will pave the way for future green upgrades.  “We hope to implement bats made of sustainable cork, gloves made from palm fronds, and get rid of those foam #1 fingers that have been found in the gullets of endangered seagulls,” says Wendy Neverget, President and Founder of People for Green Things.  “We also hope to make the field out of aluminum foil, to reflect the sun’s energy back where it came from.”  Officials have yet to endorse any of these ideas. 

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1 Comment »

  1. he looks like he let out some steam with that throw…

    great post – thanks!

    Comment by Amie — October 18, 2007 @ 1:32 am


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